I don't know how well I am hiding it but for the past 2 and 1/2 years now, my life has seemed to operate in a fog. For over a year, I accounted it to the illness and then death of my father-in-law. I had never been through something like that, noone writes a manuel on "how-to deal with the death of your father-in-law". Yes, I had fabulous support and that gave me the strength to support my husband and kids but I still found myself crying at weird times or the sense of urgency that makes me sick to my stomach that something bad is going to happen. All of that went on for about a year. I have noticed that I don't always feel that way anymore and that I am truly enjoying life again BUT I have no idea what I should be doing.
I feel like I have been "out of the loop" and I don't know how to jump back on!!! It's a really really weird sensation. I feel a kind of disconnect and I am not sure how to get it back. I think of things looooong after I would have in the past....i.e. a person is sick and I talk with them and tell them I will pray for them. In the past I would have done that AND made them a meal. Now, I don't htink about the meal part until long after I am done talking with them. I think of 100 things I "should of" said like hours later!!!
I also have like no desire to go anywhere and do anything BUT I don't want to sit at home either. I have no idea if this is all related or what. I just find it weird.
That is not how I was before February 2004 when Jim got sick but that is how I am now. Weird huh? Am I depressed? Am I stressed? Seriously...anyone got any thoughts on what in the world is wrong with me?
Good news--Jay got his own restaurant! Thank you Lord for rewarding my husband, who went back to school for almost 3 years, worked his tail off and we took a HUGE hit financially! I am so proud and happy for Jay! He totally deserves this!
Chelsea is done with crew! We had a great time in Philly at the last regatta!
Alex and I are heading to Blacksburg this weekend to see my neice and nephew "graduate" from preschool! Then Alex is inducted into the youth group at church on Sat. night!
Alex just went through a growth spurt...he's like 5'6!!!
Chelsea is pretty much driving a little bit everyday....maybe that is where the stress is coming from!!! I find it MUCH more stressful than Jay but guess who is home more to be there when she drives?! ME!!!
Loved all the season finales of t.v. this year! LOST--can't wait until season 3!!! Gilmore Girls---soooo disappointed in Lorelai! Grey's Anatomy--I gotta say that I was not happy about the choices made in that one either! I am a geek--I actually like the show "Deal or No Deal". but last night the woman got on my last nerve!!!
Now I am trying to catch up on reading...I am trying to read the DaVinci Code before I go see the movie....or spending time with my Gillian and George! I got quality time with them last friday!!! LOVE IT!!!
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yes!!! That is exactly who she reminded me of! Her husband was annoying too! It was such an anti-climatic season finale! I can't believe she had 750k in her case and she walked away with 100k or whatever!
It would be physically impossible for me to be pregnant! smile!
Ellyn, just some unsolicited advice from an old friend and babysitter. I find that whenever I am in a funk and especially an extra long funk...I am in the process of growth. Take time every day for prayer and put yourself into scripture. Find out what it is you need to learn right now. Also, get outside. Exercise. Everyday. Somehow that clears your mind in ways that nothing else can. Also, talk to someone...a trusted friend or even a professional. Be careful about the trusted friend part...you need sound advice. Know that you are loved and supported...even from way out here in Abilene, TX. I will pray for you and this funk you are in. Love you.
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