Monday, September 11, 2006

How do you explain?

I have been postponing blogging about today. After 5 years, I still don't know what to say. I don't know how to make the horror of 5 years ago fade. Time has not made that happen for me.I remember every moment like it just happened.

I went to the website from Malicious's blog (a.k.a. Malia to the side) and was assigned a person to blog about who died in the WTC that fateful day. But I don't know what to say.

I know he was loved. I know taht he was special and real in many people's lives. All those people were loved. Everyone of them had someone post their picture on the fence looking for them. Everyone of them deserved to live. But we, as a nation, saw evil up close and personal. I thought I could blog about one person who lost their life that day and the moment I hit the button to recieve the person, I knew....I couldn't. I just don't feel like I can do him justice. He was someone's son, husband, brother, cousin, and friend. I am not worthy of speaking about a man I didn't even know. I am sorry taht he is gone and that people ache for him. If I could take it away from them I would.

You see, I really wanted to blog about the man whose desk was right next to my father's in the Navy Command Center in the Pentagon. A man who survived the Vietnam war to move to America and die at the hands of evil. But again...what do you say....

I am going to apologize now for my rambling but I don't know how to explain it clearly.

So the name I got was....

Name: John (Jay) J. Corcoran
Age: 43
Killed at: United Airlines Flight 175
From city: Norwell
From state: Mass
Special Notes: Passenger

We won't ever know what Jay thought or knew or felt while being in that plane. But his family and friends do know what he thought or knew or felt about so many other things in life and they have those memories to carry them to tomorrow and the next day and the next.

People turned to God 5 years ago to find the comfort that they needed to cope and deal with this. We Americans have NEVER had anything like that happen to us!! How do we deal? How do we cope? How do we explain?

We need to not let this "moment" of opportunity pass us by. We need to not get complacent. There are people hurting out there. The people who love John (Jay) Corcoran are hurting. They miss him. They have great memories of time with him. They can remember the laughs. But can they begin to understand how to deal with his loss?

God wants us to take the opportunity to help people find Him. Over the past 5 years we have had people just walk off the street into our building in Fairfax, VA to find answers to questions that were brought up either directly or indirectly to 9/11. People are searching now more than ever before for their purpose in life.

I know that may see like an overused word since the inception of "Purpose driven life" by Rick Warren. But you know what, I ahve been to his church and I have seen the power of God working in those members because they understand their purpose.

Even though it is hard to explain--we have the answers. I don't know why it happened, other than God gave us free will and Satan is alive and well today and working overtime to tear us away and keep us away from God. Don't let that happen, not in our sadness of 9/11. Because if that happens then John Corcoran and Khang Nguyen (the man who worked side by side with my father) and 3000 other people died in vain. We have the ability to offer the comfort of a loving God. I have no doubt that He cried that day. Evil showed up in a way that we Americans had never seen. It was senseless and just...well just evil.

The best thing we can do to give honor to those men and women is to go out there and show Americans that God loves them. He aches for them. He has the ability to take their hurt away.

I may continue to blog about this more as I can really get my thoughts together. IF the family of Jay Corcoran reads this. Please know that I am not trying to trivialize his life or his death. For you see, I too was greatly effected by the events of 9/11. My dad was at the Pentagon and lost people he worked with everyday. In fact there wasn't even DNA found of a man who worked there as I am sure there wasn't any DNA of many people on the planes and in the WTCs. I don't know why I have my dad while you don't have your loved one. Often I feel guilty because you see my dad is a Christian and he KNOWS he is going to heaven. Yes, there really is a heaven and there really is a God. I will steak my life on it. I will stand before a firing squad for it. I promise you.

My prayer for your family is that God brings you someone in your life to comfort you and love you and heal your wound of your loss. I pray that you can know God becuase He knows you and He loves you.

For all you Christians out there--well there is no time like the present. Remember and do something about it. We can offer comfort for a world that is hurting. Let's just do it.

I remember one of the women whose husband was on the plane that crashed in PA, was talking with Diane Sawyer. Diane asked her how she was doing. How did she make sense of this and the woman said taht she relied on a song. We Christians know it--we tend to call it an "oldie" in the Church of Christ...."It is well with my soul". She told Diane that because of her beliefs and faith, it had to be well with her soul. WOW! That is faith! Here are the words. It was written a long time ago and we still sing it like it was written.

When peace like a river attendeth my way. When sorrows like sea billows roll.
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
"it is well with my soul"

My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought. My sin not in part but the whole.
Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more.
Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord--oh my soul.

And Lord haste the day when the faith shall be sight. The clouds be rolled back as a scroll.
The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend.
Even so, It is well with my soul.


MAK said...

I know this is a hard subject for you, you know the horror of this all too personally. I think you did a great job with this post. Don't be so hard on yourself. Blessings!

Tanya said...

What a beautiful post, Ellyn! Love you!!

Malia said...

I think you did a very good job. If Jay's family saw this, I think they would be proud that someone like you got his name since you were so closely affected by the tragedy as well.

Good thoughts, we all need reminding.

suzy george said...

It's interesting that the name you were given is the same name as your husband's. I hadn't read your blog in a long time, so I started with the most recent entry. Boy I'm glad I read this. Thank you so much for what you wrote. You probably know the story of "It is well with my soul", how the guy who wrote it had a business in Chicago that burned down in the great fire, so he sent his 4 young daughters on a ship to England to live with their grandparents, but the ship capsized and all the girls drowned. Through his grief, he wrote this song. I cry every single time I hear it, or even think of it. In fact, I just googled and found this. If there are spaces in the link below, it's b/c I was trying to get it all to appear. When you copy and paste it, just eliminate any spaces that might be there.