Flyin

Well, tomorrow morning I leave for sunny California for the next 6 days. I get to leave bright and early to catch my 8:43 flight. I am going with my co-worker to the Purpose Driven Children's Ministry conference in Lake Forest, CA. I am excited about it but I also have some apprehension.

I really don't like to leave my family for so long and be so far away. I imagine all the horrible things that could happen to me or them while I am gone and there is nothing I can really do about it. Then it always hits me...there is nothing I can really do about it. You see, I am not in control. Oh, I like to think I am but really I am not.

I found myself praying today that even though it has been a while since God and I have "talked", I need him to keep all of us safe while I am away from my nest. I found myself trying to make deals with Him. Yeah, I know...you don't make deals with God. I mean He is GOD. He can cause a flood to cover the earth for 40 days, he can make lame men walk again, he can raise his only son from the dead after 3 days! There ain't nothin' He can't do! Still, I find myself just begging that he not let my plane crash or be taken hostage by terrorists, or that my kids get to school safely and home safely or that my husband doesn't get into a car accident on the way to and from work.

This all reminds me that when my mom flies, she always prays "into your hands, I commit my soul." WOW! Maybe she can say that because all of her kids are grown and have families of their own. But something makes me think that she has had that kind of faith for a very very long time. I find it very hard to have that kind of faith. I so badly want to commit fully my life into his hands but really, I want it my way. I want to have my cake and eat it too. I want God to have total control of my life but as long as He does it the way I want it.

That is not faith. That is control. God shows us everyday through may things that He is in control and yet we still over look it. Today a child died in a school bus accident. Did that mom pray this morning, "into Your hands, I commit my soul or my child's soul"? We are not in control. God is in control. I am not saying that God caused this child to die. I don't believe that at all. Satan is at work in this world. But that child's soul is in heaven. So God won the child. My prayer is that someone reaches out to that family, so that God can win that family in their crisis.

I don't want to die. I want to see my kids grow up and go to college and get married and get jobs and have kids of their own. I want to grow old with my husband and be there for our kids as they embark on their life's journey.

I am sharing with you that I just don't know how to have that kind of faith. No that is not exactly true. I do know how. I am scared to do it. But when it all comes down to it...I have no control anyway, so what else is there to do but "commit my soul into His hands".

Please pray for me and my family while I am gone. Pray that we all can have the kind of faith that relies fully on the Lord. Intelectually, I know He's got our back, but emotionally is another story. That is what plays with my mind. Maybe it's Satan, maybe it's just our human nature.

Just tryin' to keep it real.